I recently discovered that I am doomed to face a fiery eternity in hell for doing yoga. I used to think I was a good person– as a regular college student, I’m no saint, but I hadn’t thought of myself as a particularly bad sinner. Until a week ago, I thought I belonged, at worst, in purgatory. That was all before I went to an Orthodox Christian monastery and learned just how terrible a person I truly am in the eyes of God.
First, a little background about my personal religious history. Being agnostic has always tempered my encounters with religion. I had a chance to experience many religions in the places where I have lived, but I took them all with a grain of salt. I went to a Buddhist monastery in a high rise building in Hong Kong; I listened to an organ in the German church were Johann Bach worked; I gave food to Buddhist monks in a traditional Thai ritual; I debated role of women with my Muslim friends, and went to a Baptist sermon in the US South.
The only religion I have always been obsessively fleeing is Orthodox Christianity — the religion to which I supposedly belong.
I was baptized when I was three. Most Russian parents, religious and secular alike, follow that tradition. Many people in my generation feel that baptizing unsuspecting children is a violation of their human rights. It always made me angry to know that when I was an infant, some bearded man immersed me in water three times in the name of Holy Trinity — without asking for my consent. It could have been worse (think recent and not so recent sexual abuse scandals in another prominent religion), but it’s of no comfort to me. Ever since I was old enough to realize that I was forced into a religion, I have despised all things Orthodox Christian.
At my baptism, I was given a cross, which was misplaced several years later. I don’t know if I have any godparents and don’t have any intention of finding out. I don’t know where I was baptized. I’ve never read the Bible, although I have read most of the Koran, some of the Torah and various Buddhist manuscripts.
It has always been that way: I never got along with the predominant religion in my part of Russia. Save for a few weddings and funerals, which are usually performed at churches, even for non-believers, I have been inside a church only a few times, mostly on tours while traveling. Most of my post-USSR Christian friends are non-believers, so I never had a chance to learn about any positive aspects of Christianity, like spiritual betterment. Instead, my friends told me truly terrible stories about going to church for the very first time in attempts to seek guidance: the priests simply yelled at them for being sinners who could not be saved. I did hear stories about great, nice, friendly and supportive Russian Orthodox priests, but they appear to be legendary, mythical creatures who live in the Land of Faraway.
Returning to the story of how I learned of my brimstone-filled-fate: I was bored to death on a weekend at a spa in Western Ukraine. There was a state of emergency in place in the region, so I could only go visit a few places — most bridges were washed away and the roads were destroyed. The Internet wasn’t working, and I’d I left my laptop in Kiev besides. The only tour available was to a major monastery, a very important place for any Orthodox Christian.
It was meant to be a religion-oriented tour — a pilgrimage of sorts. I always reckoned that sort of thing is done via climbing uphill barefoot while observing lent. Instead it was done aboard an air-conditioned bus. However, women in attendance were required to dress as “proper Christians.” I used to have a Muslim roommate who looked very fashionable in a headscarf, but I can’t pull it off. To worsen the situation, I had to team it up with a very long skirt. Upon entering the church’s premises, an armed guard informed me that a proper Christian woman is not allowed to wear makeup, dye her hair or get manicures/pedicures. With my mascara, highlights, and red finger-and-toe-nails, I wasn’t off to an auspicious start.
While the rest of religion tourists crowded inside a church, I sat outside the cathedral in a headscarf with my knitting, feeling my most decent and modest ever. What naiveté — a female passerby began yelling at me. Knitting on a Sunday turned out to be a sin. I wondered if yelling at non-believers is one, too?
I can decipher that woman’s anger. Her and I are hell-bound for just being female. Testosterone is clearly the hormone of choice in Orthodox Christianity. Women can’t be priests. Menstruating women are considered “dirty” and are not allowed inside a church, because they will “contaminate” it. All forms of contraception are prohibited, which means a woman has no control over how many children to have. We must be a nation of masochists, for despite these sexist rules the vast majority of church-goers that day were women.
I worsened my sinfulness by refusing to kiss two glass boxes filled with the mummified remains of two saints. I always liked the Egyptian section in museums, but it never occurred to me to kiss the glass boxes with the mummies. So why do that in a church?Kissing icons is a very old Orthodox tradition designed to venerate the deity or saints portrayed on them. It might be life-transforming, but it’s also unhygienic, unless the supposed sanctity kills all bacteria and viruses. I didn’t care if it was God’s will, science, or the elements that saved the bodies from rotting — I had no intention of touching the glass with the saliva of thousands of fanatics. When I turned around to escape, a priest nearby proclaimed I would burn in hell. Strike three.
His threats didn’t bother me. By that time, I was quite convinced I was bound not only to burn, but to slowly deep-fried and simmer. You see, I had discovered a startling list of rather unconventional sins posted on the church wall. Alongside the ten commandments and DUI, there were some that were new to me, including but not limited to…
* practicing yoga
* martial arts
* taking contrast showers
* and of course, giving human names to pets
My soul thus doomed to an eternity of hellfire, I headed back to the spa for my sinful massages and yoga.
You mention sexual abuse only in the context of the Roman Catholic Church. Orthodoxy has it’s fair share of such problems as well.
http://pokrov.org
Melanie Jula Sakoda
Hello Anna,
It angers, and saddens me greatly to know that organized churches, governments, and religions have distorted the nature of God, and drive good people away in droves. Poor translators, government leaders seeking to appease various factions, and misguided clergy have done great harm to the Christian faith in particular. The Southern Baptists are among the worst offenders. The God I know is akin to the best parent. He is infinitely interested in the spiritual growth, and welfare of us all. The brightest minds have no definitive answers for the world’s current state, but we could all do more to spread a little love around.
Hi Sam,
I, too, believe some forms of organized religion can harm regular people who want spiritual guidance, not a guilt complex. One problem with Orthodox Christianity is that its rules are not suited for the 21st century. And I am not talking free love. The very basic rules like no work on Sunday or no yoga are very difficult to follow these days. It is highly ironic that even those who consider themselves to be believers are often not aware these rules exist.
Ever since I went to the monastery I mentioned in the post, I keep telling my supposedly Orthodox friends about the list of sins I had found there. Everyone — even people who actually go to church — said they had no idea their religion is so prohibitive.
However, there are prohibitive religions that gain thousands of new converts every year. I just got back from Azerbaijan, where being a Muslim is in vogue among young people. I don’t know if prohibitions in Islam are more attractive than those in Orthodox Christianity. Maybe Islam just has better PR strategists. Orthodox Christians will probably anathematize me for saying that, but maybe they could use some, too.
I loved your honesty in this post. I think that what you experienced is called “legalism.” This can be a problem in many religions and especially in Christianity where Christ’s love in dying for us so that we can know God is explained to us or presented to us through rules or good works that people have to do in order to be close or good enough for God. Actually the Bible teaches that he died for us and we can be close to him not through rules or good works but through GRACE. We don’t have to do anything else except accept him. No kissing icons, no banning of work on Sunday, no getting yelled at by other people who decide if we are “good enough” to be in church. It’s so simple that I think people get hung up on all the other stuff!
Please keep writing, I love your blog posts!
Michelle, thanks for your kind words of encouragement, they mean a lot to me.
I feel that all religions were originally centered around a certain concept and maybe several rules that got incredibly distorted over the centuries as people used religions for their political and economical benefit. I certainly believe that trying to be a better person is laudable. The world probably would be a much better place if everyone made an effort to observe some form of the Ten Commandments — I don’t mean the original Judeo-Christian Decalogue, of course, but there is nothing wrong with not lying, not cheating, not stealing etc.
I took a look at your blog, and it appears that you are based in Kiiv right now. I guess you are familiar with the conflict between the Russian Orthodox Church and the Ukrainian Orthodox Church then. I find it extremely ridiculous: the only significant difference between the two is the language in which they say their prayers, but the authorities from both camps keep anathematizing each other. Things like that happen all over the world — that’s what makes me steer clear of all forms of organized religion. I am not ready to convert to any religion and then learn that people of the same faith who perform some ritual differently from what the new government prescribes are in fact heretics (happened in Russia a long time ago).
Dear to Christ Anna,
I must admit to being shocked at the harsh treatment you received during your visit. Maybe, if God helps me, I can clarify some things for you, and perhaps help you to gain another perspective on your experience.
I’m an American convert to Orthodoxy after several years of membership in an evangelical denomination… so our backgrounds are different, but I still entertain the hope that I might be able to contribute to your post.
Babies and Baptism. Baptism is about becoming a part of Christ’s body, the Church. Christ told his apostles to allow even the little children to come to him– and so following the practice of the ancient Church, Orthodoxy not only baptizes babies, but anoints them with the sacred oil of chrism and gives them Holy Communion. Also, you definitely have god-parents– that’s just the canonical tradition of the slavic Orthodox Churches. Ideally these would be people that while you grew up would help to teach you faith in Christ.
Heaven and Hell. Hell for the Orthodox is different as you describe it here. Sins are not about God getting “angry.” In fact, our earliest saints like Ephrem the Syrian explained that God is not passionate and is not subject to anger in the human sense. “Anger” and “wrath” are anthropomorphisms from the Scriptures that point to deeper truths, in the same way we talk about God’s “hand” or “face.” The ancient Christian understanding (and the one which is maintained in the Orthodox Church) is that Heaven and Hell are ultimately the same reality: God’s love. Just like the same sunshine melts wax and hardens clay, it is the experience of this reality that will be for some everlasting light and love and joy, and for others (the ones who have chosen to reject this love and hate it) darkness, flame, weeping, etc. But God cannot but be Himself, which is Love. So you see, ancient Christianity is far more nuanced and reflective upon these eternal realities which the Lord revealed to us as he walked the earth. God loves you, and that does not change.
Sin. Sin, then, isn’t about what pisses off God, but about what has been found by the mind of the Church to pollute the soul and make it unprepared to receive God’s love. Orthodoxy is far more concerned with sin as an “infection” rather than an “infraction.” The cure, which is life in Christ and the Holy Mysteries, cures us and makes us more like what we are supposed to be. Obviously you meant “contrast showers” in jest, but yoga and martial arts might be problematic– if they involve techniques which are “consciousness altering” or which call upon false deities. But divorced from those things– yoga as exercise and breathing training, or martial arts as exercise or self-defense– they would be harmless, or perhaps beneficial. Even if you disagree, hopefully I have better expressed to you the internal logic of why those were listed as sins.
Regarding modest dress and feminist western culture. You have to understand some of these things as cultural, Anna. It was not right for that woman to upbraid you in such a judgmental way. Knitting is not a sin, although practicing Orthodox try to avoid “work” on Sunday, the day on which we commemorate Christ’s defeat of death for humanity. Knitting’s not really “work” for anyone in the West anymore– it’s just a cultural thing. In the West, most Orthodox women no longer cover their heads in Church, and that’s fine– it’s cultural, although mentioned by the apostle Paul, too.
Hell-bound and female. This is definitely not the legacy of Orthodoxy, Anna! The holiest of all saints– the One through Whom God entered into the World to save humanity– was none other than a woman: the all-pure virgin Mary, Bogoroditse (God-bearer). Women are allowed to do everything men can do in Church– pray, sing, read the epistle and the psalms, preach (with the bishop’s blessing), do mission work, etc. The only thing women cannot do is be fathers– and the priesthood is spiritual fatherhood. You should read the lives of the great female saints of the Church– there are countless thousands! St. Nina evangelized the nation of Georgia herself! St. Catherine and St. Barbara endured incredible tortures as they denounced the wickedness of the pagan emperors! Orthodoxy may be “patriarchal” in the sense that we actually do have patriarchs, but it does not produce timid women.
Menstruation. This is a sensitive topic, but you must first understand that it is not viewed as “dirty” in the same sense as the “ritual uncleanness” of menstruation in Judaism. Women during this period are more than welcome to come inside the Church– what you have heard is a myth. However, in many circles women do not approach the Chalice for Holy Communion during this time… but for an unexpected reason. It is not about being unclean, but about the personal piety that developed around the Eucharist. For the Orthodox, Communion is actual union with Christ’s own deified Body and Blood. The priest calls down the Holy Spirit upon the bread and wine and it is mystically changed, while retaining its appearance so that it can actually be consumed. This experience is what makes us Christ’s body, and a practice developed around this in which if a person were to cut themselves and bleed after communing, they were to treat their blood as Christ’s own blood. That is, they could not simply throw it out on tissues or trample it on the ground. Instead they were to either burn it or bury it– getting rid of it in a way that is not disrespectful. You can see how problematic menstruation would be with this belief. However, this is not the universal practice, and some bishops give women blessings to commune at this time anyway.
Relics, icons, germs. You shouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. We venerate the relics of the saints because God has shown them to be grace-bearing. We also do this because we Orthodox no longer fear death… Christ has trampled down upon it with His own death, and made it to be the gateway to everlasting life. By our kisses we confess our faith in the resurrection, our belief in the goodness of the created world, and its ultimate restoration when Christ comes to raise the dead. I have venerated many many relics… so has my wife and my best friend… we’ve never gotten sick, if that makes you feel any better. But again, Anna, don’t worry about that if you’re uncomfortable with it. Just try not to judge those who express their faith in this way.
Kievan and Moscovite Orthodoxy in the Ukraine. This is about politics and not the faith. Ask any sincere believer, and they will tell you the same thing. Moscow believes it has ecclesiastical jurisdiction over the churches in Ukraine. Part of the Ukrainian Church disagrees. This is simply the human element of the Church. But to stay away from the Church because of these silly and temporary fights which do not touch the actual substance of the faith, is like a diseased-person saying, “I will not go to the hospital because of the sick people there!”
Every priest and bishop I have ever met were friendly, kind, and humble. But all were human, and like me, working to daily die to themselves and follow Christ. We have to be patient with everyone, including the Church hierarchy.
I hope this helps, somehow.
Oh one more thing!
Pets and human names. Here I first need to clarify what we’re really getting at– which is not “human” names, but saint’s names. These happen to be the most common names because of Christianity’s historical defeat of paganism in most of the places to which it spread in the ancient world. This is why we name our dogs Roman names like “Caesar” and “Brutus” and why we name our children Jewish names like “Peter” and “John.”
So yes, it’s not technically “correct” to give a name which has been sanctified by people in the Church to an animal. This is not a “sin” though unless we mean to do it out of disrespect. My dear mother who also converted to Orthodoxy has a cat named Moses, and her priest did not tell her to rename him.
Sorry for the lengthy responses, Anna… I like your blog and hope to visit it more often.
Hello Anna,
I am thankful for your post, and the ensuing dialogue. I think that God is pleased that we’re all talking about him, and the good and bad in his pathetically humananized institutions. As I approach my 48th birthday next month, I’m thinking a lot about the journey and where I have been. I was just thinking about an old McDonald’s commercial that I always recall fondly, and how it’s similar to the start of my relationship with God. In the commercial a young boy who is new to a community and school is pictured standing alone next to his school locker. Nearby, a group of students is excitedly talking about their plans to walk over to the nearby McDonald’s for food and fellowship. As they walk down the hall towards the exit and their destination, the camera pans to the young boy. All the emotions of loneliness and despair that we have all experienced at one time or another are painfully evident in his expression. It’s a crushing scene. But, thank the Lord, one of the kids in the exiting group turns and walks back to the young boy at his locker. With a thousand watt, welcoming smile, he says, “HI, want you come and go with us?” The commercial ends with the two side by side, talking, smiling, and heading out to join the rest of the group. Yeah, God came and got me, and we’re walking, talking, smiling, laughing, and he’s working me through all the technical stuff. I yell and scream a lot, but God made everything out of nothing, so he can handle it. Besides, he knows I’m a rascal but he loves me anyway.
The Bible talks about Pharisees such as these, putting “Road Blocks” in the way so that people who are seeking cannot truly see Christ.
It is disappointing, but do not fret. Men such as these will suffer MUCH worse for turning you away from Christ than you will. But is it really so hard to simply acknowledge that Jesus exists and accept that He Loves you? I’ve never understood why someone wouldn’t simply accept the fact that a higher power out there Loves them?
If I told you I Loved you right before the police took me away and executed me. If Literally, my LAST words on Earth were, “I Love you.” And then they took me and executed me, wouldn’t you believe me?
If the same happened to you, I promise I would believe you.
I am from Romania, and like Russia, Romania is mainly all Orthodox. However, my family has left the Orthodox church for the Protestant, as we believe the Protestants practice true Christianity. Focus on Jesus and how His grace has saved us, not on religous practices, is what God has called us to.
I’ve recently written a book called “The Christian Behind Closed Doors.” Its about legalism in the Christian church today. You can see it here: http://www.christianbehindcloseddoors.com. Thank you.
Hi Sam — I just read this comment, and I realized I had never read it. My email service sometimes acts up and deletes emails from my blog service, and that’s how I find out about people’s comments.
So here’s a reply that comes almost a year later — I spent a lot time thinking about religion last year. I even took a class on Religion in International Relations, and I learned a lot. I did some research on the subject, and it turns out a Yale professor came up with a theory that we are all hard-wired to believe in some sort of deity; I am guessing my brain just functions differently, you know. Which I why I never made a point of denying peoples’ believes. I just feel that the way religion is organized makes for so many problems.
It’s great that you have a spiritual core — whether it comes from belief in power of yoga, shopping, running, or god, that is bound to make your life a happier one. I think we all need to find ours — although my encounters with organized religion made me believe I can find mine in anything but religion.
Hi Isaac — just like we the comment below, it looks like I missed your response entirely. I am very sorry about that – I make a point of responding to all posts, but browsing through all my posts to see if there are any new comments in case my email service acted up just seems to, um, obsessive.
In English-speaking countries, people might name their dogs Roman names, although that is not very common in other countries out there; many cultures have their own “Fluffy” and “Fido,” but it’s also worldwide common to name pets human names, although often their diminutive forms. I just don’t see why that should be a sin. Murdering people — yes; stealing — yes; abusing your pet — also yes; but why would naming a pet compromise your chances for a happy post-mortem existence?
Furthermore, in Orthodox Christianity, children with names that are not on the official church lists are forcefully baptized under a similar sounding “proper” name (if their parents choose to baptize them). So, say, you think you are a good Christian, and decide to have your daughter baptized; you name her Angela after some dear relative; well, guess what? She will be known as Anna (yes, my name is “allowed,” although it being church-friendly that was not my parents’ motivation) to the church.
Names change over time, and most names on that church’s list are very outdated now; plus as the cultural exchange is ongoing, new names emerge in Slavic language (and other ones, too), and I don’t know why what linguists view as a fascinating natural process should be outlawed by church. Your mother’s priests sounds like a very reasonable one — and most Russian Orhtodox priests are probably that way, too. But that’s another thing that angers me about Orthodox religion — on the official books, it’s still a sin. And yet, many priests, from what I hear, take a more relaxed stance. What’s the point of being so hypocritical? It doesn’t do much to improve religion’s image.
These linguistic issues are really ridiculous. In Ukraine, there is a sort of rebel Orthodox church that conducts its services in Ukrainian; the “main” church is basically a brunch of the Moscow-based one, and it conducts services in Russian (old Slavonic actually, I presume). So for a child with my name, the Ukrainian form is Hanna (which Russians don’t recognize as ‘Anna’, but rather as a separate name), which is what they would baptize a child as in the Ukrainian Orthodox tradition. The Russian Orthodox tradition would view that name as sinful then, since that name is not on the ‘official’ list. I knew someone who ran into that problem while baptizing their child. Supposedly, the church needs to be concerned with the child’s spiritual growth and all that, not with giving parents trouble about their naming choice.