Anna’s Out of Town News – Page 3 – From Russia to Hong Kong to New Haven, all Anna!

A Russian Definition of Feminism?

A friend linked me to the poll featured in the online version of the Russian Cosmopolitan.

The question reads: “Who is a feminist?” Check out the only potential answers:

-A woman who doesn’t wear bras.

-A woman who has bad luck with men

-A lesbian

-Condoleezza Rice

That’s deep, isn’t it? If you weren’t upset enough, here is more:
— The other polls that website features appear to be more or less serious, so it was not a New Year-induced hangover joke.

— The magazine’s primary audience is women, so it was not a poll published by some chauvinist publication, which would have at least made more sense. It was apparently published under the “a poll for him” category, but I have strong feeling it was the women who voted, since they are the ones who visit the site.

NB: Please don’t think that Condoleezza Rice is listed there as a role model. Russian mass media enjoy mocking her personal life, so no, she is not perceived as a successful woman.

To get to see what the other readers thought, I had to vote. To have to pick one of these extremely intelligent option was embarrassing enough, but the results made me go look in the family tree for some proof I was not a Russian.

Guess what? Almost five thousand readers voted. And here is what they picked:
-A woman who doesn’t wear bras — 8.7%

-A woman who has bad luck with men — 58.49%

-A lesbian — 6.81%

-Condoleezza Rice — 26.01%.

So to be a feminist, you have to be single. Or wait, it must be the other way around. You get dumped, get bitter, and get a feminism handbook.

I guess readers of the Russian Cosmo would rather be married with one in four chances of being domestically abused by their husbands (Amnesty International figures from here) than be a secretary of state.

Putin v. Oil Prices

Several months ago, before the oil prices began plummeting, I read an article somewhere that left me confused. It was in a well-respected publication — Foreign Affairs, I believe — and written by a serious author. It claimed that if oil prices go below $25/barrel, Putin’s incredible approval ratings will slip, and the leadership of Russia might change. There were other serious articles in serious publications estimating that number to be $4o or even $5o. As I see it, the logic behind these prognoses was as follows : if the inflow of petrodollars stops, the Russians will lose jobs, earn less, not be able to pay their mortgage etc. People will be angry. And they will aim their anger at Medvedev and Putin, ending their almost unconditional support for them.

Now that the oil prices are hovering at $40, it is a good time to analyze these statements and to post factum claim they were incorrect . Oil prices haven’t reached $25/barrel yet, but Russians have been laid off en masse (the unemployment rate went up more than 1% since September, from 5-something% to 6-something%), and there are government agency projections of over 250 thousand more losing their jobs in the first quarter of 2008. Who knows how many more are going to lose their jobs after that? Many companies switched to 4-days workweeks. They cut salaries, and cancelled their employees’ free gym memberships. People are panicking. With the dollar and euro exchange rates going up, it is challenging to find either kind of currency in many provincial cities. Everyone wants to buy foreign currencies to avoid losing much money if the ruble becomes drastically devalued.

Yet, Putin’s approval rating are stellar. And I believe they will remain that way.

Political cycles of the Western world — economy gets worse, the incumbent has fewer chances of getting re-elected, so a new leader steps up, lather, rinse, repeat — do not apply to Russia. The Russians are simply not used to such mode of thinking. Historically, the vast majority of population was in the state of continuous pauperization under the czars. In the USSR, most people were not starving, but not rich, either; they were all equally poor. In the early 90’s, under Yeltsin, food was often rationed. His approval ratings were never impressive, but he did win his second election and had the nation elect the man he hand-picked as his predecessor.

Yeltsin was almost impeached in 1999, only a year after the tough August crisis of 1998. But economic problems were only one of the five charges against him. The impeachment never went through, although it did contribute to Yeltsin eventually resigning. When Yeltsin assumed power, the economy was bad to begin with, and he did not produce any successful or popular reforms. In fact, many people were in doubt whether it was a good idea for the USSR to collapse: breaking up the USSR was another impeachment charge against Yeltsin.

Back then, Russia had an ageing president with serious health and alcohol issues. He had to undergo a seven-hour heart surgery while in the office. To make fun of the videos of him inebriated was a common pastime for stand-up comedians and regular citizens alike. He kept sacking prime ministers and making puzzling decisions, never bothering to explain them to the country. Putin in many ways is the exact opposite. He is athletic, well-dressed, relatively young, and a non-drinker. It easy to assume that someone who is ill and struggles to speak in public and to explain his choices makes poor decision. Likewise, it is easy to trust a control-wielding president who clearly explains his political choices and practices knocking down judo opponents for fun.

But that is not the major difference between Putin and Yeltsin.

Putin gave Russia a direction in which to move. After the USSR collapsed, general population was very confused. In the USSR, people played by the rules, albeit hypocritical and nonsensical ones. In public, one praised the Party; in private, one listened to the Beatles and read books by the dissidents. If one wanted promotion, a new apartment, imported furniture, one knew whom to bribe.

And all of a sudden, it was all over. No one knew what to do, what to say, what to believe in. Even religion, the common last resort at times of upheaval, was foreign and semi-forgotten. The most talented artists, musicians, professionals went to great lengths to immigrate. With fifteen new states, many found themselves having to cross a border to visit friends and family. While some struggled to find morals, some abandoned them altogether and entered the capitalist world of making money.

The charismatic leader who stood on the tank and promised a better future turned out to be as confused as the rest of the population. It was the dark ages of the Russian history, condensed into less than one decade. And then came Putin, and it was a renaissance.

He brought along positive economic changes. Russians began traveling and learning foreign languages. No one had to queue for hours to get regular consumer goods. The gap between the center and the periphery was still drastic, but even the periphery was doing better. The political scientists’ assumption that Putin will stop being so popular is all that is taken away makes sense. But there is something else that Putin achieved.

Russians now know who they are. They take pride on being a strong country that is feared by many states. Nationalism is a way to go. Orthodox Christianity is respected, and churches attract flocks of new believers. To name kids with traditionally Russian names is now a good idea. To memorize the anthem and have a Russian flag is an even better one. Everyone knows in what to believe: Saakashvili needs a sedative, Yuschenko needs a retirement, guest workers need one-way tickets home.

The West finds many of these trends disturbing. But the Russians are not about to give up their new-found identity in exchange for the Western concepts of personal freedoms — that Russia had never had anyway. Putin is a part of that identity, and it would take much more than extra-low oil prices to surgically remove him from it.

There is another ace up Russia’s ruling duo’s sleeves. Since the crises’ first symptoms were diagnosed in the US, the Russian media were successful in equaling the US in general to the root cause of this crisis.”So, how is the US doing? They are guilty of this crisis, aren’t they?” Many Russians feel that the crises is just a continuation of the US’s idée fixe is to destroy Russia.

To be fair, there are articles describing problems with other states’ policies and their contribution to the current global financial crisis, but somehow, they don’t stick with the general population. Anti-American authors and politicians are attracting a lot of attention (check out this Wall Street Journal article about a Russian academic who claims that by 2010, South and North Carolina will be a part of the EU).

This trend of anti-Americanism causes a great deal of the rally effect — people uniting against one enemy. It was successfully used by the post-Soviet states: accuse Russia of all your present troubles, and you got the population supporting you like crazy. Now Russia is using it for its own purposes: to shift the blame to the US, shall if be needed. How can you blame the prime-minister for the crisis, if it the US’s fault anyway?

In 1998, right before the crisis, the government went out of their way to promise nothing really bad would happen to the country’s economy. When the economy collapsed, people felt disappointed and betrayed, just like they did for centuries. Now that the country has leaders who are not afraid to admit 2009 will be difficult, Russians are not about to let go of them.

The Lipstick Effect: Russia, the Beauty Industry, and the Financial Crisis

In the USSR, industrial products were prioritized over consumer goods. While industry produced many tanks and guns and much heavy machinery, women often struggled to find decent make-up or clothing. Eighteen years after the communist behemoth collapsed, guerrillas worldwide employ leftover AK-47’s, post-Soviet states sell leftover Soviet tanks to African nations, and the levels of make-up consumption are higher than in many historically capitalist countries. Make-up is readily available now, and many middle-aged women rarely reminisce about the times when they literally used to spend one quarter of their salaries on black-market French mascara.

It is now the time of the year when it becomes especially obvious how far Russia has come in terms of consumerism. Around New Year’s, Russia’s consumerist equivalent of Christmas, stores are abuzz with customers looking for gifts for their near and dear. With online shopping still undeveloped, the number of customers in the stores is a good indicator of the current economic situation. The unemployment rate has skyrocketed, petrodollar flow has decreased, stocks are down, grocery prices went up, and the ruble is being slowly devalued. Yet, the atmosphere is not quite as morbid as I expected. Most stores have not resorted to the unprecedented sales of the US, although many of them have experienced a reduced flow of customers. While the ones selling furniture, expensive clothing, and electronics struggle to stay afloat, the ones offering make-up and sometimes jewelry are — surprisingly — experiencing a wave of consumerism.

In the somewhat pretentious chain make-up store to which I went in hopes of checking off some items of my gift lists, the dreaded krizis was seemingly ignored. The intrepid crowds were joyfully choosing between Chanel, Dior, and Givenchy. But the displays with more modestly priced brands were even more crowded. The customers were scouting the store for the yellow sales labels, but once they identified them, they often bought multiples of the good. At the register, many were flashing the “gold” discount card, which one gets after spending an equivalent of $340 at the store (may I remind you that the average monthly salary in Russia in 2008 is reported to be around $700 (in the pre-crisis exchange rate)?.

That sight reminded me of the article I recently read that discussed the “lipstick effect” apparent in Russia right now (here’s a link for the Russian speakers). In short, the “lipstick effect” is an increase in the demand for perfume and make-up during the times of financial instability. Since people can’t afford much, they resort to buying fun affordable goods such as a new shiny, candy-flavored lipgloss. This theory does appear to be very true right now. Some friends of mine who would have bought more expensive gifts before opted to get perfumes for their male friends or make-up for their females friends instead. Men’s perfumes have been flying off the shelves, a buyer acquaintance of mine confessed. They are replacing the pricier cashmere sweaters, iPods, or cell phones, traditional New Year’s gifts for husbands, boyfriends, fathers, and sons.

Further research suggests the lipstick effect is felt worldwide: from the US to India to New Zealand, “small luxuries” are substituting “extravagant purchases.” Consumerism is an inherent part of the 21st century, and it is quite understandable that people would go for cheaper goods on which to spend their disposable income when the times are tough. As the name suggests, these effect is primarily facilitated by women. And could you blame them for that? In the times of unemployment and the gloomy Russian winter, inexpensive bright lipstick may be the only available kind of retail therapy.

Although I couldn’t find any quantitative research on the lipstick effect in Russia, I would expect it to be even stronger than in other developed countries. First, there is an entire social strata — young, single, well-educated, middle-class women — who gladly spend their money at the make-up counter. Many of them make enough money to have some disposable income left after paying their bills. But it is not enough to buy an apartment or to take out a mortgage: the salaries are still low, and property prices some of the highest in the world (although the property bubble has been bursting recently). There is not much of an investment culture: years of communism and the volatile post-communist market did not exactly help develop one. Saving for retirement is still a foreign concept to many. So these women resort to renting and spending the rest of the money on make-up, hair cuts, pedicures, and salon anticellulite services.

Then, of course, there is the mentality: the “if you’ve got it, flaunt it” attitude is still de rigueur for many. I know plenty of women who would rather buy a mink coat and be on the potatoes-only diet for the next year or two than buy a regular coat and good food . This ostentatious approach causes producers of luxury good all over to swear by the Russian consumers. Those not rich enough to afford haute couture go for the hot finds of the numerous glossy magazines instead: the new mascara brush, the new season nail polish, the new miraculous anti-wrinkle skin cream. Considering the ridiculously low men to women ratio and a common belief that a woman has to a) get married to be successful; b) wear a lot of make up and be always perfectly groomed to catch a man — you get a perfect beauty industry consumer. There are more beauty salons in place in an average Russian provincial town than I have ever seen anywhere. Just a few months ago, everything was overpriced, but women were happy to pay. I remember running out of lipgloss and finding it to be three times as much in Moscow as I paid in NYC. A friend of a friend reportedly used to make a living by taking Russian upper middle-class women to Berlin, where they would stay at nice hotels, eat at fancy restaurants, and shop excessively. With plane tickets and visa costs, they still spent way less than they would have if they bought the same things in Russia.

Now that incomes are down, purse strings are tightened. The sun has set on expensive salon treatments. The beauty parlors, especially the more expensive ones, attract fewer customers, but women are not about to stop getting highlights. A friendly shop assistant reported a drastic increase in the demand for their home hair-dye kits. Likewise, women are not about to stop exfoliating, moisturizing, and de-wrinkling. Some internet forums featured women admitting abandoning the more expensive foreign skin care lines and resorting to the reasonably-priced Russian and Belorussian ones instead (which is generally deemed “ok to do, if you don’t admit it publicly and still have a compact and lipstick by a fancy brand to use in public”).

I happen to like a certain hair conditioner that is made in Belarus. Every time I go to Russia, I attempt to buy several bottles — it does wonders for my hair, it’s very cheap, and it’s patriotic (Russia and Belarus are supposedly one state, no?). It is very popular, but I usually have no problems locating it. This time around, it was nowhere to be found. Previous L’Oreal and Schwarzkopf customers were now making an extra effort to find something cheaper and at least of the same quality, and that conditioner happened to be their best bet. Remember Chanel’s Black Satin hysteria two years back? This is actually worse: instead of the civilized waiting lists at Bloomingdale’s, women are said to bribe shop assistants to keep these conditioners for them when they next become available.

If I had several million dollars to spare, I would be very happy to invest in buying up a skin care factory — preferably in Belarus, for the workforce is cheaper there — and to hire chemists, package designers and advertising experts, pay for a celebratory article in some glossy magazine, and promote my products as de luxe — there will be a high earning potential (and workplaces, too). Do you want to know why I think that? Here is a story:

A sales assistant at that make-up store helped me pick a few gifts, and I commented on the limited selection of the Chanel nail polishes, given that the new line named after Russia just came out. Oh, she was very worried about it, she said. In fact, she wanted it for herself so badly that she had booked train tickets to Moscow to go to the headliner Chanel store, where said nail polished are still available. The dark red version was her favorite, and she was looking forward to finally being able to wear it.

I later found out that a sales assistant in that shop makes around $400 a month. The cheapest return trip to Moscow would cost around $60; that nail polish retails for $38 in the US, and it probably costs more in Russia. It looks like Russian women are still ready to drop a quarter of their salary on the nail polish. Forget Gazprom. With the oil prices plummeting, make-up may be the way to go.

Obama, Palin, and Russian Glamor

Yale newspapers and magazines recently turned to international students to find out our perspective on the U.S. presidential campaign. After all, it’s easy to run out of fun material over the course of a 1.5 years long presidential campaign. We are supposed to have a fresh outside perspective.

When I started my freshman year, the presidential campaign was already going on, so I have been exposed to it as much as most Americans. After I found out I had to pay taxes in the US, I have been obsessively following the tax policies of both candidates. Like most foreign Yalies I know, I watched presidential and vice-presidential debates. So much for the fresh perspective.

So I asked the real outsiders — my friends who live outside the US.

The vast majority of my Russian and Ukrainian friends and acquaintances — the younger crowd — would vote for Barack Obama if they could. But in general, the older Russians get, the more they like McCain. An average Russian man hardly lives to be 60, so a 72-year old candidate is an inspiring role model to many. “I wish my husband was so lively” — my friend’s grandmother said of her 72-y.o. husband. “What foreign policies? I don’t care what those capitalists are doing.”

I quizzed my 20-something Obama-favoring friends on their rationale. In a surprising correlation with their college majors, they explained what aspects of the democratic candidate’s tax, education, healthcare, and foreign policies they favored to those of McCain. And then something else came up: Obama is oh-so-glamorous (“a он ничего такой, очень гламурненький”).

Russia is all about glamour. What is known as ostentatious in other countries, is every-day wear in Russia. Mini skirts and high heels are equally worn to class, work and parties. Some restaurants have special side tables for the It Bags. Several haute couture brands have more boutiques in Moscow than in London or NYC. Books that teach girls how to marry an oligarch are bestsellers. And politics has been becoming more glamorous, too.

Our President’s recent video blog post (and yes, he has one!) spurred demand for the stylish Mac laptops: he clearly prefers them to the good ol’ PCs. He was even spotted playing with his iPhone before they became legally available in Russia. Our ex-President-turned-prime-minister has video of him doing judo all over YouTube (and pictures of him with a naked torso that show off his muscles; he is in a great shape). The Ukrainian prime-minister is known for her hairstyle and fancy outfits as much as for her policies.

No wonder Barack Obama with his tall and slim frame, well-fitting outfits and an elegantly-clad wife is a favorite with Russian women.

To be fair, Sarah Palin is also perceived as glamorous. A stereotypical Russian woman wears stiletto boots and furs in the winter, and Palin gives off an image of someone who could totally pull it off. Her recent $150K worth of a shopping spree is definitely approved by the Russian women (she even managed to do it with someone else’s money, a dream of a stereotypical glamour girl). She is in a great shape and wears fashionable clothes. Her four — or is five? Most Russian women lost track (or lost Track. Ha!) — kids raise some well-waxed Russian eyebrows. But of course, a true glamour girl has a glamorous reason to have kids — “Ah, I get it — she had so many fashionable pregnancy clothes that she wanted to become pregnant again and again to be able to wear them!”

If Barack Obama wins, as most my friends hope, they will take great pleasure in praising his and his wife’s looks at the inauguration and beyond. If that happens, Sarah Palin shouldn’t give up. She should simply move to Alaska’s behemoth neighbor. Her glamorousness guarantees a huge success. After all, we all know she is already an expert on Russia.

What (Russian) Women Want

I had a girls’ night in a few days ago. There were seven of us. We all have Russian passports that we use extensively to travel and sometimes to study abroad. Three of us currently attend colleges abroad, the other four are at school in Russia. Together, we have two foreign and three Russian boyfriends; two of us just got out of relationships. Between us, we speak eleven languages and one dialect. All in all, we were just your average group friends catching up with it each other.

And, as always happens, we talked about what we want in life. One of us wanted more Versace in her closet; another just got addicted to thrift stores. One felt like she needed a more caring boyfriend, while another wanted a more romantic one; a third had just decided to be single for a while. One was excited about starting her Master’s, the other one was tired of doing her bachelor’s, another one just discovered she wanted to be in the academia. One wanted to travel more, and two of us wanted to stop traveling obsessively and to spend more time at home instead.

Out of seven friends, all of us aimed for different things. Sometimes our targets overlapped, but most of the time they contradicted each other. So what is it that women really want?

I asked myself that question because someone recently found my blog by searching for “what Russian women want.” To investigate, I typed in that same exact phrase on an internet search engine. And something curious came up.

According to Google, all Russian women strive for one thing: a marriage with a foreigner. The first link that came up stated “All Russian Women Want to Escape from Russia” — with an only intention of finding a foreign partner, of course. All other top nine search results are clearly about what men want: most are dating agencies, including the one that promises to regale foreign men with “Russian Girls of Model Quality.” Once a man finds that model-quality Russian Woman, getting her full attention is easy. Two guides aid one in doing that: a “Russian Brides Cyber Guide” and “Russian Brides or How To Marry a Russian Woman” (correct punctuation is clearly not a way to go). If your Russian woman is stubborn and is not willing to give in to your cyber charming skills, there is an ultimate weapon — Russian cuisine recipes. Because we all know a way to a Russian woman’s heart is through her stomach.

The ‘Russian woman’ as been turned into a brand by the internet. I am surprised no one has registered the Russian Woman trademark yet. (Or has someone?)

Clearly, we have no other desires but to popularize ourselves with handsome foreign strangers who will whip out their cyber guides, make us borsch, and will then whisk us away from our homeland. Do women in other cultures have a better digital reputation?

I googled my other ethnicity — Ukrainians. A quick Google search — and the terrible truth is revealed. Ukrainian women have the same interests as the Russian ones. They are clearly desperate to leave Ukraine by means of being with a foreign man. The second top search result proclaimed “A Million Young Ukrainian Women Want to Leave Their Country.” All the other ones in top ten had to do with dating. But sadly, instead of advertising hot foreigners to the Ukrainian users, they promote hot nubile Eastern Europeans.

The unexpected outcome of my experiment can be to some extent explained by the Beautiful Docile Eastern European Woman Stereotype. But what about other nationalities? I explored two other ethnic backgrounds of mine: the Finnish and the (Outer) Mongolians.

Mongolian women seem to be less obsessed with finding a foreign husband than the Russians and the Ukrainians. Despite three in four top results advertising photos that show off the looks and the beauty of “Mongolian Women, Mongolian Girls, Mongolian Singles,” women in Mongolia clearly have other interests. Apart from dancing, (as YouTube video illustrates) they unfortunately have a variety of issues, including cross-border sex work in China. Fortunately, some ngo’s like the Mongolian Women Fund help those who need help.

It turns out Finnish women have needs and interests drastically different from their ex-Communist counterparts. Top two results claim Finnish women “want from a relationship same things other women want: loyalty, company, love.” At the same time, they also “appreciate sexual affairs which are safe and yet exciting.” The other interests were spread from from women in parliament to home visits of public health nurses to hysterectomy to infertility treatment and to the original Mel Gibson movie with Finnish subtitles.

I subjected American women to the same search that the other aforementioned nationalities underwent. (I assumed Google would treat “American” as a synonym to “US-American.”) The US is supposedly a melting pot of all cultures, so the women there should have have interests representative of all the women worldwide. My logic was rather faulty.

American women appear to be more health- and politics-conscious than anyone else. Four out of ten top links deal with health and wellness. Four links discuss what American women want in politics and society. One link is about women traveling. The top search result comes as a bit of a shock.

“The fact is that control-top granny pants are simply not a substitute for regular exercise, thoughtful grooming and a healthy diet. Certainly not if you’re single and interested in men.” Here is what single American women want — to look good.

Surprisingly for such a politically correct and litigious country, the article, originally published in The Times, compares nothing else but how well-groomed American and British girls are. Those American women who naively believe that men should like women for their personality, not their looks, will have to find consolation in the fact that American girls are said to be better groomed overall.

It’s highly debatable if a google search in English is an accurate reflection of needs and values of societal group, whether in an English-speaking country or worldwide. It is remarkable that men, not women, wrote and designed most of the search results that came up. I am not writing this post under the aegis of feminism. But I would like to know if all those men actually bothered to ask women what they want. I bet if they did, the search results would look drastically different.

Sinful in All Kind of Ways: Encounters with Orthodox Christianity

I recently discovered that I am doomed to face a fiery eternity in hell for doing yoga. I used to think I was a good person– as a regular college student, I’m no saint, but I hadn’t thought of myself as a particularly bad sinner. Until a week ago, I thought I belonged, at worst, in purgatory. That was all before I went to an Orthodox Christian monastery and learned just how terrible a person I truly am in the eyes of God.

First, a little background about my personal religious history. Being agnostic has always tempered my encounters with religion. I had a chance to experience many religions in the places where I have lived, but I took them all with a grain of salt. I went to a Buddhist monastery in a high rise building in Hong Kong; I listened to an organ in the German church were Johann Bach worked; I gave food to Buddhist monks in a traditional Thai ritual; I debated role of women with my Muslim friends, and went to a Baptist sermon in the US South.

The only religion I have always been obsessively fleeing is Orthodox Christianity — the religion to which I supposedly belong.

I was baptized when I was three. Most Russian parents, religious and secular alike, follow that tradition. Many people in my generation feel that baptizing unsuspecting children is a violation of their human rights. It always made me angry to know that when I was an infant, some bearded man immersed me in water three times in the name of Holy Trinity — without asking for my consent. It could have been worse (think recent and not so recent sexual abuse scandals in another prominent religion), but it’s of no comfort to me. Ever since I was old enough to realize that I was forced into a religion, I have despised all things Orthodox Christian.

At my baptism, I was given a cross, which was misplaced several years later. I don’t know if I have any godparents and don’t have any intention of finding out. I don’t know where I was baptized. I’ve never read the Bible, although I have read most of the Koran, some of the Torah and various Buddhist manuscripts.

It has always been that way: I never got along with the predominant religion in my part of Russia. Save for a few weddings and funerals, which are usually performed at churches, even for non-believers, I have been inside a church only a few times, mostly on tours while traveling. Most of my post-USSR Christian friends are non-believers, so I never had a chance to learn about any positive aspects of Christianity, like spiritual betterment. Instead, my friends told me truly terrible stories about going to church for the very first time in attempts to seek guidance: the priests simply yelled at them for being sinners who could not be saved. I did hear stories about great, nice, friendly and supportive Russian Orthodox priests, but they appear to be legendary, mythical creatures who live in the Land of Faraway.

Returning to the story of how I learned of my brimstone-filled-fate: I was bored to death on a weekend at a spa in Western Ukraine. There was a state of emergency in place in the region, so I could only go visit a few places — most bridges were washed away and the roads were destroyed. The Internet wasn’t working, and I’d I left my laptop in Kiev besides. The only tour available was to a major monastery, a very important place for any Orthodox Christian.

It was meant to be a religion-oriented tour — a pilgrimage of sorts. I always reckoned that sort of thing is done via climbing uphill barefoot while observing lent. Instead it was done aboard an air-conditioned bus. However, women in attendance were required to dress as “proper Christians.” I used to have a Muslim roommate who looked very fashionable in a headscarf, but I can’t pull it off. To worsen the situation, I had to team it up with a very long skirt. Upon entering the church’s premises, an armed guard informed me that a proper Christian woman is not allowed to wear makeup, dye her hair or get manicures/pedicures. With my mascara, highlights, and red finger-and-toe-nails, I wasn’t off to an auspicious start.

While the rest of religion tourists crowded inside a church, I sat outside the cathedral in a headscarf with my knitting, feeling my most decent and modest ever. What naiveté — a female passerby began yelling at me. Knitting on a Sunday turned out to be a sin. I wondered if yelling at non-believers is one, too?

I can decipher that woman’s anger. Her and I are hell-bound for just being female. Testosterone is clearly the hormone of choice in Orthodox Christianity. Women can’t be priests. Menstruating women are considered “dirty” and are not allowed inside a church, because they will “contaminate” it. All forms of contraception are prohibited, which means a woman has no control over how many children to have. We must be a nation of masochists, for despite these sexist rules the vast majority of church-goers that day were women.

I worsened my sinfulness by refusing to kiss two glass boxes filled with the mummified remains of two saints. I always liked the Egyptian section in museums, but it never occurred to me to kiss the glass boxes with the mummies. So why do that in a church?Kissing icons is a very old Orthodox tradition designed to venerate the deity or saints portrayed on them. It might be life-transforming, but it’s also unhygienic, unless the supposed sanctity kills all bacteria and viruses. I didn’t care if it was God’s will, science, or the elements that saved the bodies from rotting — I had no intention of touching the glass with the saliva of thousands of fanatics. When I turned around to escape, a priest nearby proclaimed I would burn in hell. Strike three.

His threats didn’t bother me. By that time, I was quite convinced I was bound not only to burn, but to slowly deep-fried and simmer. You see, I had discovered a startling list of rather unconventional sins posted on the church wall. Alongside the ten commandments and DUI, there were some that were new to me, including but not limited to…
* practicing yoga
* martial arts
* taking contrast showers
* and of course, giving human names to pets

My soul thus doomed to an eternity of hellfire, I headed back to the spa for my sinful massages and yoga.

Being Fashionable in Eastern Europe and Beyond

Call me crazy, conservative, and non-Slavic, but I can’t wear a mini skirt and glittery, strappy sandals to work. Ironically, I spend enough time shopping, matching clothes, and collecting high-heeled shoes for my friends to make fun of me. Most of the time, I tend to be on the overdressed side. But not by Kievan standards. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling quite underdressed.

“So, where do all the prostitutes work?”

Oh no, I thought. I am hallucinating from the hot Kiev weather and too many meetings with depressed and depressing Ukrainian political scientists.

A Ukrainian friend had another friend visiting from a European country where women in general, save for the Sex and the City fans, don’t fetishize high heels and mini skirts. He is a really nice but somewhat naïve guy who hadn’t traveled outside Europe before. He is really enjoying his stay in Kiev. He doesn’t mind hot weather, lack of air conditioning, or disastrous public transportation. He was warned about the mysterious Russian (in this case Ukrainian) soul and is very open minded. But taking him to a red lights district (if there is one in Kiev, of which I am not sure) is too extreme. What was my friend thinking?

“Where have you seen them?”

“On the metro every morning there are tons of them. Where are they going so early?”

And then it hit me. He seriously thought all the made-up ladies in revealing clothing he saw on the metro at 9am were in the business of selling their bodies. But they were just on the commute to work — which most likely didn’t involve selling their bodies.

The conversation above took place several days ago. Today, another friend told me a very similar story about a Dutch guy who asked the same question. This is just sad. The last few days have been really hot, so light, transparent and short clothing are a necessity. Most men on the streets, Ukrainian and foreign alike, don’t seem to mind. They probably don’t mind women wearing clothes like that at work.

Continue reading “Being Fashionable in Eastern Europe and Beyond”

Shopping in Kiev: Ukrainian Wives and iPhones

As I was walking down Kreschatik, Kiev’s main street, I saw a billboard in English that targets foreign men.

Conveniently for visiting foreign men who fell prey to Ukrainian women’s charms, you can now get a Ukrainian wife while doing sightseeing. The company’s office is right there, on Kreschatik, so you can quickly get a brand-new wife, a “fast visa,” and then keep exploring Kiev. For those who want to accessorize their newly acquired wives, iPhones are sold two or three buildings down from the billboard. By the way, iPhones are not officially sold in Ukraine, but the store doesn’t seem to care, openly selling them on Kreschatik for three times the US price.

I wonder how much Ukrainian women are worth these days. I was really tempted to call Joe, the “American manager” of the Ukrainian wives, but I can’t pull off sounding like a man. My boyfriend refused to partake in this. Anyone wants to give me a hand?

“Russian Seasons” at JFK — the Russian Interns Are Coming!

I blogged several times about the complexity of Russian Women — Western men relationships. I wrote about the mail-order Russian bride websites; I made fun of the scammers who rip off Western men looking for such a bride; and I wrote how these societal trends make some Russian women, including myself, uncomfortable when they are abroad. To get an outsider’s perspective (which, surprisingly, turned into an insider’s perspective), I asked my dear friend Arnie Zambrano to write a guest post for me. I know he is interested in finding an Eastern European soulmate. Over a course of a recent MSN conversation, his “Russian Intern Season” at JFK (which is where I actually met him) came up. So here’s what he has to say:

(please note — I may not agree with the author’s opinion (especially about the Ukrainians :)) ), I asked Arnie to write it as his personal opinion on an interesting phenomenon).

Every year around June, I anticipate the hoards of pretty Eastern European girls who will come through the gates of JFK. To see them makes me truly happy that I work for an international airline and get to spend time at an international terminal. Even though I’ve been working in JFK for 3 years, every year, I still look forward to the Russian Intern Season as much as a child anticipates Christmas.

So what is the Russian Intern Season?

It’s the time when Russians and other Eastern Europeans send many 18-24 year old girls to the United States to work here for 3-9 months. Thanks to an agreement with the United States and Eastern Europe, CCUSA (Camp Counselors USA) hand-picks (or so the rumor has it) only the best looking women out there (some men participate, too, but I am not interested) to work in the US. They work as camp counselors — or work other similar jobs. For over 90% of them, it’s their first time in the states (and even abroad), so these young ladies are looking for a friend to get them oriented. That’s where I come in.

I’m the pioneer of my personal Russian Intern Season (RIS) at JFK. The young post-Soviet ladies flock to the specially organized JFK’s CCUSA’s desk. For the first 3-5 days, they are free to do whatever they please, so here’s your (and mine) chance to charm a pretty Eastern European!

I started the RIS when I got sick and tired of American women (I’m American, but find our women too arrogant high maintenance — compared to the Eastern European ladies). It’s simply standing at the carousels (after I do my job for an airline, of course) and having to pick the most amazingly looking girl in the intern group. At times it’s so hard, since there are so many great ones to choose from. Most of them are Russian, but there are also Ukrainians, Moldovians, Armenians, Georgians, Kazakhstan, Belarusians etc. And I am the first American man they can talk to. You can’t get more “fresh off the boat” than that.

Why do I like these Eastern European ladies so much? Unlike American women, they don’t ask to take them to expensive restaurant or to take them shopping! Perfect date material.

It is remarkable how you can identify a nationality of an Eastern European female by the way she talks to you. And no, I don’t mean an accent. Here’s my personal classification:

–Ukrainians: Wear Blue T-shirts. When you start a conversation with them, they look at you in a confused manner. [Note from Anna — as a half-Ukrainian myself, I find it hard to believe, but oh well].

–Russians: Wear red T-shirts. When start a conversation with them, most of them give you that nice warm smile; they generally have so many interesting things to say. Overall they are very glad that you are talking to them no matter the situation.

–This year, however, the new hot thing are the Kazakhstanis (T-shirt color: orange). They are brought over here by boatful, and I love spending time with them. It definitely makes after work hours and my days off much more entertaining.

Any Ukrainian reading this post is probably thinking “Why does this author hate Ukrainians?” I know there are some nice ones out there. I personally have been lucky to meet a select few. But it seems that they’re keeping all the nice and sweet ones in Ukraine. (Guess the Ukrainian guys want to keep their nice women for themselves — good for them). Unfortunately, so far, I haven’t had any luck in meeting a nice Ukrainian intern. So I stay away from the blue-clad crowd.

Most of the girls don’t stay in NYC for too long; some of them are here for only one or two days. Then they go off to their respective workplaces, which could be as close as Ocean City, NJ (3 hour drive from New York) to San Diego, CA (6 hour plane ride). But for an adventurer like me that’s what makes it more entertaining. I met a couple of Kazakh girls and spent a couple of days with them before they went off to Los Angeles, CA. I was planning on going to LA in a 3 weeks time anyway. Now I have someone with whom to hang out over there (in case you’re wondering how I can afford to travel, working for an airline gets one cheap or even free flights).

I will most likely end up marrying a sweet Russian girl, but she has to be a Russian-Russian, not a Russian-American. I can’t stand Russian-American women. They are aware of how Eastern Europeanly beautiful they are, plus they’re extra snobby, since they were born in the US. My Russian-American co-worker is a perfect example. She manipulates all the guys in doing favors for her, makes them spend money on gifts, and, simply put, walks all over them. (She even admitted that she made my friend, who is blindly in love with her buy, her a Prada handbag… and they were not even dating!!) On the other hand her Russian mom also lives in the US. Being born in Russia, she’s such a great person. I am not attracted to her (not my age category, really), but if I had a choice between a Russian-American daughter and her Russian mom, I’d go for the latter. I am worried that if I marry a Russian, which is want I really want to do, my children will be the product of the same thing I hate!

Sometimes, I look at the Russian Brides websites, and I can’t help but laugh at all these ridiculous fees that they add on just to talk to her and see a picture. You even have to pay anywhere from $1000-$5000 to have her sent to the USA. If I were someone looking for a Russian Bride, I wouldn’t need to go further than JFK. Just stand outside the international terminal during the Russian Intern Season — and have your pick. Most of them are extra friendly, but good luck with the blue-wearing Ukrainians. (On a side note, if you’re on the internet all day looking for Russian Brides, get a life!)

By the way, if you for some reason are not attracted to the Eastern-European looks, there is also my Brazilian Intern Season. Lots of (hot) Brazilians come from Disney World to go shopping in New York. Sadly, only few speak English, but with my knowledge of Spanish, English, French and Italian, I can pick up a great percentage of what they’re saying. To anyone else, you’re out of luck.

I’m off taking a Russian girl to Coney Island, thank you CCUSA 😀

Experiencing Russia at Its Fullest: Perfume that Smells Like Vodka (And Looks Like Vodka)

Do you love vodka so much that that perpetual smell from drinking just never goes away? Well, now you can intensify it by buying a perfume that is shaped like vodka, smells like vodka, and tastes like vodka.

I was passing by a regular cheap make-up/fake perfume stores recently and saw this:

The usual array of knock-off “Trussardi” and “Kenzo” perfumes. But wait, what is there on the right? Looks like vodka bottles to me. Let’s take a closer look:

“Moskovskaya” (a common vodka brand here) — “Paris France”; the label looks very much like a regular bottle of “Moskovskaya.” (if i see one at a store, I will post a photograph here for comparison purposes). I wonder how the owners of the Moskovskaya trademark would react to it? I also wonder how the makers of fine French parfumerie feel about it? The perfume not only looks like a bottle of vodka, but it also smells like vodka (and, as the shop assistant assured me, it tastes like vodka! Maybe it is vodka??? ) And not only “Moskovskaya” is a fine specimen of French perfume industry, it’s also “Exclusive”! Not satisfied with its exclusivity? Representing another choice du jour: “Pshenichnaya Paris.” Fine print at the bottom says “Made in France.”

Both fine beverages…perfumes will cost you 160 rubles — $6.8. Not bad for a fine perfume, huh?