Ukraine – Anna’s Out of Town News

Russia: The Eurovision Drama Unfolds

In my last post, I blogged about Georgia’s tongue-in-cheek anti-Russian song for this year’s Eurovision. The Eurovision drama just got more like a Mexican soap opera: the Russians made their pick to represent Russia. Get this: it’s a Ukrainian (but a Russian citizen). Singing a song in both Russian and Ukrainian. It totally warms my heart, as I can actually understand the lyrics. But hey, Russia and Ukraine are in the state of a miniature Cold War, so that’s an achievement.

The song’s title is “Mamo,” which is how one addresses one’s mother in Ukrainian. It’s a regular sentimental song, but at least it’s not politics-laden. Now, that’s refreshing.

The best part of Russia’s choice is that the lyrics were written by an Estonian, and the music was composed by a Georgian.

Here is the song:

Here is a link to a YouTube video of what I think is a TV screen record, with the actual performance.

Although I can’t be bothered to look up the statistics (I am on the spring break, after all), I believe around 13% of Russians, myself included, are actually ethnic Ukrainians. A Ukrainian has as much of a right to represent Russia as a representative of any common ethnicity in Russia. As a Russian-Ukrainian, I am absolutely ecstatic (plus Eurovision falls on my birthday this year).

I was semi-expecting more political gestures at this year’s Eurovision, but this is actually a gesture of goodwill. Take that, Georgia.

Georgia’s Eurovision Song: We Don’t Wanna Put In. And We Don’t Wanna Putin.

Eurovision, the all-Europe song annual song contest, has always been somewhat politicized. While in the past, most post-contest arguments pertained to what nation voted for what candidate, recent developments indicate a new Cold War in Europe: that between Russia and some of it’s post-Soviet neighbors.

In 2007, Ukraine’s Verka Serduchka sang what s/he claimed to have been “Lasha Tumbai” (a meaningless combination of sounds, really), but everyone heard “Russia, Goodbye.”

In 2008, Russia responded with Dima Bilan, who sang alongside an Olympic golden medalist Yevgeniy Plyushchenko to the accompanying Hungarian violist Edvin Marton. Dima Bilan became the first Russian to have won the Eurovision (Ukraine has two victories under her belt).

As the preparations for the 2009 contest are on the way, things are getting political. While most countries have not held the qualifying finals for their participants, Georgia announced its candidate, the band Stephane&3G that was specifically tailored to enter Eurovision. The country has only been participating in the Eurovision since 2007. Here are some of the lyrics:

We don’t wanna put in

The negative move

It’s killin’ the groove

There is a really awesome YouTube video of this song:

It certainly has a Eurovision winner potential: it is catchy, clearly inspired by American pop bands, and it has three girls with an exotic accent in tight PVC tops and mini-shorts. And it mentions drinking moonshine. That, along with the song’s message, will probably guarantee it many votes from the amused Western Europe and Russia-hating Eastern European countries.

Ironically, this year’s Eurovision will be held in Moscow (Russia’s Dima Bilan won last year), so “We Don’t Wanna Put In” will sound even more provocative. If the Eurovision organizing committee does allow this song to be performed (there were questions raised as to its appropriateness), I wonder what the Kremlin’s reaction will be.

I can see why the Georgians are so tongue-in-cheek regarding their behemoth neighbor, but that’s a petty way to deliver a protest, isn’t it? Georgia, if you are still mad over Abkhazia and Ossetia, go to a court of law, not the performance stage.

Will Ukraine’s Economy Collapse?

After the Orange Revolution, it seemed that Ukraine was off to an auspicious beginning. She embraced Europe and the US, denounced Russia, and worked hard on that GDP growth.

With financial gloom dominating Davos, the Israel-Palestine hysteria, and people being laid off by the thousand worldwide, Ukraine and her problems were virtually ignored. While Eastern Europe is whispering about the nearing economic collapse, the most relevant entry about Ukraine’s economic collapse that a Google search in English produces are dated 1993 and 1998, when the economy was truly going down the drain. It looks like 2009 will also join the ranks.

I will not bore you with the details of all the economic troubles Ukraine is facing. If interested in details, read this Jan 19 report, and make all the bad indicators even worse. Then add the constant fighting between President Yushchenko and premier Timoshenko; subtract the non-functioning government. Can anyone say “imminent collapse”?

There was something that drew my attention a few days ago, but I was too busy writing countless applications to blog about it. A story surfaced in the Russian and Ukrainian mass media about a report supposedly written by Ukraine’s finance minister Viktor Pinzenik. In brief, it augurs the nearing collapse of Ukraine’s economy.

Drawing from my own politics-related experience in Ukraine, a fake report to scare the population and intimidate the government would not surprise me. But it was never properly denounced by the Ukraine’s government.

For any interested speakers of Ukrainian, there is a photograph/scan of the report here. After several pages of sad economic stats and a lot of pathos (if someone indeed faked it, they put a whole lot of effort in it), the report concludes with:

An excerpt from what is believed to be Pinzenik's report

“The country is in danger. The citizens are in danger. (Political) power is not an award. It is first and foremost responsibility to people. I would like to emphasize one more time: there is a way out of the current difficult situation. But we are almost out of time…”

There are also rumors that Rada’s (Ukraine’s parliament) employees, including the MP’s, is behind on the salary payments for this month. For all I know, it might be just rumors, but it sounds likely to be true.

As a Ukrainian, I am very upset about Ukraine’s future.

As a political scientist, at least I get to benefit from studying how “dirty” political technologies are used to undermine an opponent in the game of politics.

Although I hope that the report above and all the rumors are not true, it is quite certain that Yale’s poli sci department is probably the safest place to observe Ukraine’s government failures.

Russia, Ukraine, Natural Gas, and Thomas Schelling

The Russia-Ukraine natural gas conflict reminds me of a classic Thomas Schelling situation: the dynamite truck dilemma. There are two dynamite trucks moving towards each other on a narrow road. If they keep moving and clash, the drivers will blow themselves up. So they have to stop and to make a decision who will yield to whom. That way, they won’t be late with their deliveries — and they will both make out of this situation alive. But both drivers have a previous history of conflicts with each other. Let’s say they belong to two different ethnic groups who hate each other, so neither is going to accommodate the other one’s needs. Additionally, the driver who yields will ‘lose face’ and be disgraced forever with his/her people, and, say, lose a bonus from their company.

Schelling proposes a solution: to get a third arty to come in and act as an arbiter. A ‘bystander’ is interested in helping the drivers solve the situation — mostly to save her own life from a dynamite explosion (let’s say this bystander can’t run or walk away). The drivers are somewhat rational; they don’t want to los their lives, so they want some solution. It’s just that they can’t reach one themselves.

Russia and Ukraine are the ‘truck drivers.’ Europe is the bystander aka the ‘third party.’ Of course, Europe is not going to die in a gas explosion, but not getting enough natural gas is pretty bad for it.

As both a Russian and a Ukrainian, I have no desire to judge which country is right or wrong. I have been watching the situation, and it has been pretty predictable so far. I expected President Sarkozy to be negotiating the situation, but he seems to have found himself a more exciting conflict to work on. Well, whoever acts as that ‘bystander,’ I hope that Schelling was right about a dynamite truck situation being totally solvable.

NB: Check out Steve LeVine’s wonderful explanation of the problem.

What (Russian) Women Want

I had a girls’ night in a few days ago. There were seven of us. We all have Russian passports that we use extensively to travel and sometimes to study abroad. Three of us currently attend colleges abroad, the other four are at school in Russia. Together, we have two foreign and three Russian boyfriends; two of us just got out of relationships. Between us, we speak eleven languages and one dialect. All in all, we were just your average group friends catching up with it each other.

And, as always happens, we talked about what we want in life. One of us wanted more Versace in her closet; another just got addicted to thrift stores. One felt like she needed a more caring boyfriend, while another wanted a more romantic one; a third had just decided to be single for a while. One was excited about starting her Master’s, the other one was tired of doing her bachelor’s, another one just discovered she wanted to be in the academia. One wanted to travel more, and two of us wanted to stop traveling obsessively and to spend more time at home instead.

Out of seven friends, all of us aimed for different things. Sometimes our targets overlapped, but most of the time they contradicted each other. So what is it that women really want?

I asked myself that question because someone recently found my blog by searching for “what Russian women want.” To investigate, I typed in that same exact phrase on an internet search engine. And something curious came up.

According to Google, all Russian women strive for one thing: a marriage with a foreigner. The first link that came up stated “All Russian Women Want to Escape from Russia” — with an only intention of finding a foreign partner, of course. All other top nine search results are clearly about what men want: most are dating agencies, including the one that promises to regale foreign men with “Russian Girls of Model Quality.” Once a man finds that model-quality Russian Woman, getting her full attention is easy. Two guides aid one in doing that: a “Russian Brides Cyber Guide” and “Russian Brides or How To Marry a Russian Woman” (correct punctuation is clearly not a way to go). If your Russian woman is stubborn and is not willing to give in to your cyber charming skills, there is an ultimate weapon — Russian cuisine recipes. Because we all know a way to a Russian woman’s heart is through her stomach.

The ‘Russian woman’ as been turned into a brand by the internet. I am surprised no one has registered the Russian Woman trademark yet. (Or has someone?)

Clearly, we have no other desires but to popularize ourselves with handsome foreign strangers who will whip out their cyber guides, make us borsch, and will then whisk us away from our homeland. Do women in other cultures have a better digital reputation?

I googled my other ethnicity — Ukrainians. A quick Google search — and the terrible truth is revealed. Ukrainian women have the same interests as the Russian ones. They are clearly desperate to leave Ukraine by means of being with a foreign man. The second top search result proclaimed “A Million Young Ukrainian Women Want to Leave Their Country.” All the other ones in top ten had to do with dating. But sadly, instead of advertising hot foreigners to the Ukrainian users, they promote hot nubile Eastern Europeans.

The unexpected outcome of my experiment can be to some extent explained by the Beautiful Docile Eastern European Woman Stereotype. But what about other nationalities? I explored two other ethnic backgrounds of mine: the Finnish and the (Outer) Mongolians.

Mongolian women seem to be less obsessed with finding a foreign husband than the Russians and the Ukrainians. Despite three in four top results advertising photos that show off the looks and the beauty of “Mongolian Women, Mongolian Girls, Mongolian Singles,” women in Mongolia clearly have other interests. Apart from dancing, (as YouTube video illustrates) they unfortunately have a variety of issues, including cross-border sex work in China. Fortunately, some ngo’s like the Mongolian Women Fund help those who need help.

It turns out Finnish women have needs and interests drastically different from their ex-Communist counterparts. Top two results claim Finnish women “want from a relationship same things other women want: loyalty, company, love.” At the same time, they also “appreciate sexual affairs which are safe and yet exciting.” The other interests were spread from from women in parliament to home visits of public health nurses to hysterectomy to infertility treatment and to the original Mel Gibson movie with Finnish subtitles.

I subjected American women to the same search that the other aforementioned nationalities underwent. (I assumed Google would treat “American” as a synonym to “US-American.”) The US is supposedly a melting pot of all cultures, so the women there should have have interests representative of all the women worldwide. My logic was rather faulty.

American women appear to be more health- and politics-conscious than anyone else. Four out of ten top links deal with health and wellness. Four links discuss what American women want in politics and society. One link is about women traveling. The top search result comes as a bit of a shock.

“The fact is that control-top granny pants are simply not a substitute for regular exercise, thoughtful grooming and a healthy diet. Certainly not if you’re single and interested in men.” Here is what single American women want — to look good.

Surprisingly for such a politically correct and litigious country, the article, originally published in The Times, compares nothing else but how well-groomed American and British girls are. Those American women who naively believe that men should like women for their personality, not their looks, will have to find consolation in the fact that American girls are said to be better groomed overall.

It’s highly debatable if a google search in English is an accurate reflection of needs and values of societal group, whether in an English-speaking country or worldwide. It is remarkable that men, not women, wrote and designed most of the search results that came up. I am not writing this post under the aegis of feminism. But I would like to know if all those men actually bothered to ask women what they want. I bet if they did, the search results would look drastically different.

Sinful in All Kind of Ways: Encounters with Orthodox Christianity

I recently discovered that I am doomed to face a fiery eternity in hell for doing yoga. I used to think I was a good person– as a regular college student, I’m no saint, but I hadn’t thought of myself as a particularly bad sinner. Until a week ago, I thought I belonged, at worst, in purgatory. That was all before I went to an Orthodox Christian monastery and learned just how terrible a person I truly am in the eyes of God.

First, a little background about my personal religious history. Being agnostic has always tempered my encounters with religion. I had a chance to experience many religions in the places where I have lived, but I took them all with a grain of salt. I went to a Buddhist monastery in a high rise building in Hong Kong; I listened to an organ in the German church were Johann Bach worked; I gave food to Buddhist monks in a traditional Thai ritual; I debated role of women with my Muslim friends, and went to a Baptist sermon in the US South.

The only religion I have always been obsessively fleeing is Orthodox Christianity — the religion to which I supposedly belong.

I was baptized when I was three. Most Russian parents, religious and secular alike, follow that tradition. Many people in my generation feel that baptizing unsuspecting children is a violation of their human rights. It always made me angry to know that when I was an infant, some bearded man immersed me in water three times in the name of Holy Trinity — without asking for my consent. It could have been worse (think recent and not so recent sexual abuse scandals in another prominent religion), but it’s of no comfort to me. Ever since I was old enough to realize that I was forced into a religion, I have despised all things Orthodox Christian.

At my baptism, I was given a cross, which was misplaced several years later. I don’t know if I have any godparents and don’t have any intention of finding out. I don’t know where I was baptized. I’ve never read the Bible, although I have read most of the Koran, some of the Torah and various Buddhist manuscripts.

It has always been that way: I never got along with the predominant religion in my part of Russia. Save for a few weddings and funerals, which are usually performed at churches, even for non-believers, I have been inside a church only a few times, mostly on tours while traveling. Most of my post-USSR Christian friends are non-believers, so I never had a chance to learn about any positive aspects of Christianity, like spiritual betterment. Instead, my friends told me truly terrible stories about going to church for the very first time in attempts to seek guidance: the priests simply yelled at them for being sinners who could not be saved. I did hear stories about great, nice, friendly and supportive Russian Orthodox priests, but they appear to be legendary, mythical creatures who live in the Land of Faraway.

Returning to the story of how I learned of my brimstone-filled-fate: I was bored to death on a weekend at a spa in Western Ukraine. There was a state of emergency in place in the region, so I could only go visit a few places — most bridges were washed away and the roads were destroyed. The Internet wasn’t working, and I’d I left my laptop in Kiev besides. The only tour available was to a major monastery, a very important place for any Orthodox Christian.

It was meant to be a religion-oriented tour — a pilgrimage of sorts. I always reckoned that sort of thing is done via climbing uphill barefoot while observing lent. Instead it was done aboard an air-conditioned bus. However, women in attendance were required to dress as “proper Christians.” I used to have a Muslim roommate who looked very fashionable in a headscarf, but I can’t pull it off. To worsen the situation, I had to team it up with a very long skirt. Upon entering the church’s premises, an armed guard informed me that a proper Christian woman is not allowed to wear makeup, dye her hair or get manicures/pedicures. With my mascara, highlights, and red finger-and-toe-nails, I wasn’t off to an auspicious start.

While the rest of religion tourists crowded inside a church, I sat outside the cathedral in a headscarf with my knitting, feeling my most decent and modest ever. What naiveté — a female passerby began yelling at me. Knitting on a Sunday turned out to be a sin. I wondered if yelling at non-believers is one, too?

I can decipher that woman’s anger. Her and I are hell-bound for just being female. Testosterone is clearly the hormone of choice in Orthodox Christianity. Women can’t be priests. Menstruating women are considered “dirty” and are not allowed inside a church, because they will “contaminate” it. All forms of contraception are prohibited, which means a woman has no control over how many children to have. We must be a nation of masochists, for despite these sexist rules the vast majority of church-goers that day were women.

I worsened my sinfulness by refusing to kiss two glass boxes filled with the mummified remains of two saints. I always liked the Egyptian section in museums, but it never occurred to me to kiss the glass boxes with the mummies. So why do that in a church?Kissing icons is a very old Orthodox tradition designed to venerate the deity or saints portrayed on them. It might be life-transforming, but it’s also unhygienic, unless the supposed sanctity kills all bacteria and viruses. I didn’t care if it was God’s will, science, or the elements that saved the bodies from rotting — I had no intention of touching the glass with the saliva of thousands of fanatics. When I turned around to escape, a priest nearby proclaimed I would burn in hell. Strike three.

His threats didn’t bother me. By that time, I was quite convinced I was bound not only to burn, but to slowly deep-fried and simmer. You see, I had discovered a startling list of rather unconventional sins posted on the church wall. Alongside the ten commandments and DUI, there were some that were new to me, including but not limited to…
* practicing yoga
* martial arts
* taking contrast showers
* and of course, giving human names to pets

My soul thus doomed to an eternity of hellfire, I headed back to the spa for my sinful massages and yoga.